


“Like Some Weirdo Fanboy.”

by Gimmefeedback



Series: Shazam! Oneshots [1]
Category: Shazam! - Fandom
Genre: Andi Mack - Freeform, Aromantic Billy batson, Boy Meets World - Freeform, Gallavich, Jonnor - Freeform, Shameless, girl meets world - Freeform, jyrus - Freeform, south park - Freeform, the fosters - Freeform, tyrus stans this isn’t the fic for u
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-07-22
Packaged: 2020-07-11 16:19:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19930939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gimmefeedback/pseuds/Gimmefeedback
Summary: Billy decides to have a little chat with the Andi Mack writers, except there’s just one small problem.





	“Like Some Weirdo Fanboy.”

**Author's Note:**

> In this fic, I mention all the ships/shows that have ruined me

~~~~

"Billy, it's a kids show. Calm down."

Every time Freddy says this Billy swears he's about to break.

One day last year, Darla had on a little show called Andi Mack, where one of the main character's is apparently supposed to look a lot like him. Personally, he doesn't see it.

Well, he got hooked on the relationships in the show, and not just the show itself.

Billy would never admit this out loud, but since he's as aromantic as they come, his only way of directly enjoying romance is through watching it happen to other people, including fictional characters on movies and shows.

As it turns out, the aromantic, is _pretty_ romantic.

Because of all this, Billy tends to fall for fictional relationships. _Hard_. First it was Cory and Topanga on Boy Meets World. He really did have no intention of crying when watching their wedding.

He was let off easy with that. They were endgame, and went on to have two kids whose lives were centered on in Girl Meets World, a show Billy watched just to see them. Their daughter and her friends had quite the live lives of their own, and Billy wouldn't be lying if he said the love triangle they experienced turned him ridiculously bias.

With that, neither of the pairings at stake ended up together, which he found to be pretty fair. Though he must say that that campfire scene still sometimes keeps him up at night.

Then, there's Andi Mack. His first experience with gay shipping. He _was_ going to check out Jude and Connor from The Fosters, but Mary warned him they didn't have a happy ending, so he wisely decided to stay away.

With Andi Mack, well, there's really no easy way to explain it. Andi Mack's best friend Cyrus, is the first canonically gay character in Disney ever, and when Billy heard about that, all he could do was get his hopes up.

He should have _never_ gotten his hopes up.

The coming out scene was great. Cyrus didn't directly address himself as gay, but he _did_ reveal how he was crushing on Andi Mack's love interest, the guy who Billy claims not to look like.

His name, is Jonah Beck.

Personally, Billy would kill to have that kind of name.

Anyways, Cyrus and Jonah had some pretty terrific scenes. They still continue to. Cyrus' crush was remaining strong, and honestly, it still seems like that Jonah may just like him too.

Then, the bully came. The bully who would act sexist towards Cyrus' other best friend Buffy all for joining the boys' basketball team, the same bully that Cyrus happened to get along with. TJ.

Quite honestly, Billy really liked the first scene Cyrus and TJ had together. Seeing the nice time they shared, it really got his hopes up for their gradual development.

Again: he should have never gotten his hopes up.

Since then, the interactions Cyrus and TJ have had, they're eh. Alright. He's a bit disappointed they aren't living up to their full potential he thought they'd have.

Jonah and Cyrus meanwhile, their scenes continue to blow him away, and he can't get enough of them, except that there's just one big problem. Okay, a lot of big problems.

One of them being that, Cyrus' feelings for Jonah allegedly just...

 _Blipped_.

It was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard. The main reason Billy doesn't believe that is because Cyrus said this on the same day Jonah called him a 'good friend', which he looked pretty crushed about, _and_ right after he witnessed him and Andi getting back together, only for them to eventually split up again.

According to Billy, Cyrus is suffering from a strong case of denial. It has to be just because he was hurt by how Jonah happened to address him. That, and the resumption of his and Andi's relationship, which must've killed Cyrus' last ounce of hope.

Billy swears he could a write a whole essay about it.

Speaking of essay's, that wasn't even the worst part of it.

Cyrus' crush on Jonah was directly confirmed to the audience when he dramatically looked back at him, and one season later, TJ was dramatically looking back at Cyrus. At least, Billy's pretty sure that's who he was su _pposed_ to be looking at. They never really went anywhere with it, 'it' being TJ's supposed crush, which has still yet to have been directly discussed, unlike Cyrus' crush on Jonah that _apparently_ no longer exists.

Billy can handle TJ having a crush on Cyrus, but he does _not_ want to accept the sheer possibility Cyrus having a crush on anyone other than Jonah.

Not only did Cyrus tell Jonah he was gay, but he told Andi and Buffy that Jonah would never know how he used to feel about him. He then went onto say that he never thought Jonah would ever want to associate with him at all, let alone be his friend.

He was wrong about both those things, and since he must think Jonah would never want to date him, perhaps he's wrong about that too.

Billy thinks about this a whole lot.

Naturally, Freddy's the one who has to constantly hear about it.

"I don't _care_ , Freddy!" Billy responds. "TJ and Cyrus _can't_ happen, they just _can't_."

"Well-"

"I _know_ they’re probably going to. Quit reminding me." Billy won't believe until he sees it, and if he must see it, then he knows it's going to hurt. Really _bad_.

Since he can't bring himself to fall in love with other people, he can't help but grow maybe a bit too fond of particular fictional pairings.

"Do you _ship_ them?" Billy grimaces.

"Billy, you ask me this question every day, and the answer remains the same. I don't _care_ about who Cyrus ends up with." Freddy insists.

"If you like them together just _say_ it man. I can leave."

"Jesus Christ, are _really_ taking this _that_ seriously? Besides, either way, Cyrus _will_ have a boyfriend. It's still rep." He knows what this is going to bring.

"But it wouldn't be _good_ rep. That's what I'm _saying_! _Jyrus_ would be so much better."

"Can you not call them by their ship name? I can't really take you seriously when you do that."

"Get over it." Cringing, Billy crosses his arms.

“But why couldn't they have just made TJ a main character if they knew this was going to happen? They did with Andi's father, why not him?" This is one of his many complaints.

"Child labor laws...?" Freddy guesses.

"Maybe if he wasn't only in every other two episodes he and Cyrus could've had some actual _development_." Billy rolls his eyes.

"Okay, I agree, and I also agree that Cyrus and Jonah would be the better relationship. But like I just said, we'll still have rep." Freddy goes back to his main point.

"Not _all_ rep is good rep!"

"He's right." Mary couldn't help but eavesdrop outside of their room, putting in her two cents and stepping in the doorway.

" _Thank you!"_ Billy yells. "Come on Freddy, _you're_ bisexual, _don't_ tell me Jonah Beck isn't bi.”

"Oh he is. And I never said he wasn't." Freddy knows it's obvious.

"I mean why else would he-?"

"Look at Cyrus while biting his bottom lip when teaching him how to skateboard? You've asked this a million times.” Freddy’s no stranger to this.

"They weren't _planning_ for this to happen. If they were, they would've made TJ a main. I'm telling you, _CJ_ was never the original choice." Billy will never not mean this.

"Isn't it tyrus?" Mary asks.

"CJ sounds better! _God_ , even the _name_ is wrong!" Billy's disgusted. "God, I just want to _go_ into that writers' room and—"

He gawks.

"Billy, _please_ don't tell me you're thinking what I _think_ you're thinking..." Freddy can usually tell when Billy's getting a really stupid idea.

" _Sha-!"_

"Billy! You're in our room!" This isn't the first time Freddy has had to stop him from transforming in an inappropriate setting.

"And we're in _Philadelphia_." Mary adds. " _Not_ LA."

"Then I'll go to LA!"

"And do what? There's two episodes left, man. What's done is done and you can't _change_ anything."

"Maybe not, but I still want to talk to whoever wrote that _golf cart_ scene."

When Cyrus and TJ rode a stolen golf cart together, it was su _pposed_ to be cute, but Billy would say otherwise. "Golf cart." He can't believe it. "What a _stupid_ idea."

"You wouldn't be saying that if it was jyrus.” Mary accuses.

"I would think that regardless of _who_ it was. Who directed their actors, a _set decorator?"_ Billy insults. "They put all their chemistry into that damn _swing set."_

Who knew their first scene should've been their last.

"Billy, we know that since you're arom you put all your emotional investment into fictional relationships-"

"But what?" He cuts Mary off.

"I didn't say 'but.'"

"You were going to."

" _But_..."

He scowls.

"Don't you think you're-"

"I'm not _being_ dramatic, I'm being _passionate_!"

He says that every time.

"Ever think that sometimes you're being a bit _too_ passionate?" Mary asks.

"There's no such thing." Billy affirms. "So are you guys gonna come to LA with me or what?"

"How are you gonna get there?!" Mary stresses.

" _Fly_?" Billy figured this was obvious.

"How are you gonna afford three-"

"Fly _myself_!" Billy corrects Freddy. "You know, _fly_?! Because I can _fly_? I'll carry you guys. We'll be there in no time."

"Okay, well, even if we get there how are we gonna know where to go." Mary points out.

"I already had Eugene find out where the writers' room is located."

It took really no time at all.

"Billy, you're acting really obsessive. You're not gonna hurt these people, are you?" Mary checks.

"Relax. No. I'm just gonna tell them what they need to hear."

"Which is...?" Freddy figures he knows the answer.

"That their writing _sucks_ and if tyrus is endgame then..."

He blinks. "Then I'll make sure they _never_ write again."

"Billy, you do realize that it could be the _network_ who's controlling their decisions." Freddy's been trying to consistently remind him of this.

"I just want to _talk_ to whoever's in charge of this _bullshit!"_

If that's what it's going to take for him to stop obsessing over such madness, Mary and Freddy might as well go along with it.

It didn't take long for Billy to transform and fly to three of them to LA, and since he isn't expecting for the confrontation to take long, he told Pedro, Darla and Eugene to cover for them.

"Captain Sparklefingers?" The desk secretary is in awe when he and his siblings arrive.

"Yes, yes, hi, uh, I've been informed that one of the Andi Mack writers is in need of some serious...Saving." He claims to her.

"Um, Mr...Voltage, I don't know if you're aware, but, filming for the show wrapped at the end of last year."

He freezes. "Huh...?"

Mary and Freddy look to each other in awkward realization.

"Yes, um, everything's been completed. Is there anything different I can, do for you...?" She feels a tad guilty.

"Ummm..." Billy gazes into space. "Is it possible for me to have a serious chat with one of the cast members?" Maybe one of them can provide him with useful information.

"Which one..."

"I don't remember any of their names. I've never discussed the show online, I heard the fans can get pretty—grotesque." 

"I don't know how I'd be able to help you with that." The secretary's just being honest.

"What about Andi's grandpa? How come he's no longer on the show? He dead or something?"

It becomes tensely quiet, until Mary has to uncomfortably whisper the answer in his ear, about how the character's actor was charged with trying to sexually solicit a minor.

After this, Billy can only think things through in silence.

" _After him!"_

"Um, before you do that, what was this originally concerning...?" The secretary can't help but wonder.

"Oh. I was going to tell the writers how tyrus is a terrible terrible ship that's been sucked of its potential. I mean _come on_ , a _golf cart?!"_

He still isn't over that.

"Billy..." Mary warns him.

"Enough." Freddy's not having it.

"Sorry. Force of habit. Anyways, time to zap Andi's grandpa's dick off!"

It's going to take a while for the each of them to grow used to that sentence.

So that Billy wasn't caught doing his rather—unnecessarily inappropriate crime, he transformed into his old self before the cops could arrive, trying to decide on his next mission as he walks with Mary and Freddy throughout the city.

"So where to next? I was thinking Michael Jacobs so you could find out how Girl Meets World was really going to end. Maybe you can meet Cory and Topanga!" Freddy's unexpectedly found himself having a lot of fun with this.

"Billy?" He notices him purposely walking ahead of them.

"Billy what's wrong?" Mary follows Freddy to him.

Shortly after they left the building, he's become resentful about being here. "I just don't understand why _this_ has to be my heartbreak." He keeps his eyes forward.

"What?" Freddy's confused, Billy scoffing at himself. "I know, it's ridiculous, having this much of an attachment to fiction-"

"Billy, it's _not_." Mary insists.

He looks at them.

"And I know it's a privilege in a way, for this to be the worst thing currently going on in my life. But, in a way it's also an escape. Not always a good one, but, I dunno. I don't really know how to explain it." His eyes blink with shame.

"No, Billy, you just did. Pretty perfectly, actually. It's alright. You're not ridiculous, or weird. Yeah, there's worse things going on, but, that doesn't make you invalid."

Billy smiles at Freddy's words. "Thank you. And, I know that I have to stop and tell myself that I still have what's most important. My family, my home."

"Your powers." Mary adds.

Billy chuckles. "Well if it came down to my powers or you guys, I'd give the powers up in a heartbeat." He has them each smile.

"Billy..." Mary's emotional.

"Yeah yeah." He smirks, turning away before her awe is passed onto him.

"Let's get back to business."

"Michael Jacobs?" Freddy asks.

"Home."

It's what will always matter most.

It's been a few days, which now means that only one episode of the show remains. According to Billy, things aren't looking good. Not for him.

"You doing okay?" Mary knows it's a stupid question, approaching his bed where he lies before her on top of the unorganized covers.

"Not really. I still feel pretty stupid moping over this."

"You shouldn't." She sits down. "We're here for you."

"The worst part isn't here. It'll be here when it happens." Billy doesn't need to specify.

"Well," Mary ruffles his hair. "In the end, you'll always be right."

He grins. "I know."

They scoff. "You're _so_ biased." She smiles.

"I get it from _you_!" He proclaims.

" _Me_?!"

"Yes, _you_. You and your jonnor.”

She scoffs, knowing he’s correct. "I can show you their scenes."

"You said they ended badly." Billy frowns.

"They did, but I don't have to _show_ you that part."

They smile at her suggestion.

"So, you're sure things aren't going the way you want them to? I mean, it's not over until it's over." Mary speaks from experience.

"I'm sure. I'm expecting the absolute worst."

"Not even any good jyrus scenes?"

"They had good scenes this last episode, so they'll probably be ignored."

Like he said: the absolute worst.

"Could you go online, maybe find some more information?"

"Can't. Won't let myself." Billy knows it's for the best. "I don't wanna get sucked into all that." He means the fandom.

"Yeah. I did that. Wasn't fun." Mary smirks, recalling back to her jonnor days. "You're smart, avoiding that. Lemme tell you, I did some looking around, and, you wouldn't agree with what you saw."

" _Ugh_." Billy cringes. "God, people are morons."

Mary snickers. "You know what you need? You need a show without drama."

"But I _like_ drama." He admits.

"Alright, so we'll find you a show with drama but no romance."

"You sure that's possible?" He's skeptical.

"What if I told you there were fourteen season's worth." Mary asks, Billy sitting right up.

"Show me."

Alright, so Mary embellished just a little bit. There is romance, but only very rarely. In Supernatural, sometimes the Winchester brothers have flings with different women. At the very beginning, Sam was in the middle of a long term relationship with Jessica, who he only had a few scenes with before she abruptly died, which furthered the plot of the show.

Then, Dean briefly reunited with an old flame, before he and her went their separate ways. Soon after that, Sarah was the first girl Sam fell for since the death of Jessica. They too expressed their feelings before mutually breaking apart.

Then, a season later-yes, Billy binged the whole first season with Freddy, Pedro and Mary in one night-there was Sam and Madison.

Like the brothers' former romances, this one unfortunately only lasted for just one episode.

This time, for rather depressing reasons.

Billy locked himself in the bathroom where he's remained for a few long minutes, Mary, Freddy and Pedro still failing to get through to him from outside the door.

"I'm having a moment!" This is the third time he's exclaimed this, ripping off more toilet paper from its holder and blowing his nose.

"Billy, come on!" Pedro whines. "They weren't even that cute!"

This makes Billy slam open the door with the piece of toilet paper squished in his fist. " _What_ did you just say?" He confidently wipes a drop of snot from under his nostril.

"Um, that was the exhaustion talking." Pedro claims.

"It _better_ have been." Billy harshly sniffles.

"You _lied_!" He points to Mary. "You _said_ I wouldn't _care_ about the romance!"

"I _said_ the romance is rare and mostly unimportant!" She corrects.

" _Why_ did they have to kill her?!" He rants. "Why couldn't they have just separated?! That's _two_ girls of Sam's that are dead!"

"Let's just take a break." Mary proposes. "It's the middle of the day, we haven't been sleeping..."

"I'm already so emotional about everything _else_ happening on the show." Billy ignores her. "Now _love shit_ had to happen? That's it. I want a show with _no_ drama. Something where I don't even have to _think_."

"I can help with that..." Pedro has the perfect suggestion.

The more Billy watches it, the more he comes to realize that South Park is just the show he needed to absolutely melt his brain.

It's funny, idiotic, somewhat intelligent, and best of all, disgusting.

All of what Billy needs.

After a few episodes, the four of them finally decide to resume taking care of themselves, coming back together on the comfort of Freddy's bed when they've eaten, bathed, and somewhat associated with their parents and youngest siblings.

"Thanks for distracting me." He can't mean that enough.

"Totally." Mary says. "Of course, some distractions are better than others."

They giggle at her implication.

"Yeah." Pedro agrees. "We should probably finish our season of Supernatural before Mom and Dad change the Netflix password."

"Maybe that's what I should watch with you guys instead of, you know, the final episode." It's no secret what show he's talking about.

"You really wouldn't watch it?" Freddy asks.

"Maybe it's best I don't. I already know what happens."

"And you're sure about that." Pedro isn't.

"For the most part, yeah..." Billy isn't happy about it. "But hey, who knows. Maybe I'll like the way it turns out. Which is a big if, but, expect the worst and hope for the best, right?"

They smile at him. "Right." Mary agrees.

"I'm sorry I'm like this." At this point, he feels an apology is necessary.

"Billy," Freddy complains, Pedro shaking his head.

"Stop." Mary insists. "We all are. Just in different ways."

Billy knows she's right. "You gonna be okay?" Pedro asks.

"Not this weekend, no, but overall? Yeah." He smiles. "I will be."

That, he knows for a fact.

“You know,” Mary starts. “I _could_ show you Ian and Mickey’s scenes from Shameless. _They_ got a happy ending!”

“Was it really an ending?” Billy checks.

“I’ll get back to you after the next season...”

That’s what he thought.

Later on, just when Billy was sure South Park wouldn’t get him sucked into any romance, he finds out about the relationship of Tweek and Craig.

“ _Seriously_?!” _This_ should be fun.

“I know I probably shouldn’t be saying this right now,” Freddy‘s unable to help himself.

“But you really _do_ look like Jonah Beck.”

“Shut up Freddy.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you have something to say, please comment. If it concerns your disagreements about any ships I’ve mentioned, take your complaint elsewhere.


End file.
